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IM GOING TO SLEEP SO I CAN GET UP EARLIER ANDY IS HERE TONIGHT FOR NIGHT WATCH. SO I CAN SLEEP. I LOVE TO STAY AWAKE AND
BE ON GUARD TO WATCH OVER THINGS. BUT I THINK ILL JUST SLEEP THIS NIGHT
WELL ITS 300 AM NOW ALREADY.
I WANT TO WAKE UP EARLY TO WATCH THE NEWS.
IM GOING TO ERASE MY MIND ABOUT ANNAS CASE AND START OVER WITH A CLEAR VIEW.
I MIGHT AS WELL SEE IT THROUGH. I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I KNOW BUT I WANT TO
GET A FRESH LOOK AT IT. I ALREADY KNOW THE OBVIOUS AND THAT IS CLEAR AS
DAY ABOUT HOWARD. ALL I WANT TO KNOW NOW IS WAS ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED AND
WAS THERE ANY OTHER INTENT WHEN ANNA DIED. OR ANY COVER UPS. I KNOW WHAT WAS
IN HOWARDS MIND AND IN HIS SUBCONCIOUS MIND AND WHAT CAUSED HIM TO BEHAVE AND
ACT THE WAY HE DID AND HE DONT FOOL ME . THAT IS ONE THING IM SURE OF IS HOWARD.
AND HIS LAWYER FREINDS BUT
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE WENT ON WITH ANNA. I KNOW SHE DIDNT HAVE TO DIE.
AND EVEN AT THE LEAST IF YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL AND SOMEONE IS TRUSTING YOU TO TAKE
CARE OF THEM AND YOU SEE THEM IN DANGER OR TROUBLE OR DYING YOU HAVE A DUTY TO HELP
ANY PERSON THAT CANNOT HELP THEMSELVES OR YOU SEE ENDANGERING THEMSELVES OR ANYONE ELSE.
. ESPECIALLY
IF YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO IT. FOR A LAWYER THAT CLOSE AND WITH SO MUCH TO GAIN
TO LET A CHILD AND WOMAN DIE. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO LOOK AT THAT. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR IT.
AND HE HAD LAWYERS HIMSELF . IF HE WAS A TOTAL IDIOT EVEN THEY HAD AN OBLIGATION TO
GIVE HIM BETTER ADVICE THAN THAT. THEY ALL KNEW WHAT THE DEAL WAS.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW OR SEE IF I CAN FIGURE OUT WAS THERE ANY STRAIGHT OUT MURDER
THAT WEEK OR IN THAT ROOM. AND I WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW SHE DIED AND WHAT
CAUSED HER LAST BREATH OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS NEGLECT OF HOWARD OVER A PERIOD OF TIME AND
AT THE END AND THAT WEEK.
OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS MURDER FOR GREED AND SPITE. HOWARD LOVED HER IN HIS
SELFISH WAY AND POSSESSIVE WAY BUT HE RESENTED HER. AND HE WAS TIRED. AND HE KNEW
HE COULD NOT HOLD ANNA FOR LONG. HE KNEW HE WAS LUCKY TO GET THAT SITUATION AND
AT THE PERFECT TIME IT WAS HIS CHANCE TO LET HER GO AHEAD AND GO .
HE
COULDNT LET THAT OPPORTUNITY DIE. AND ALL HIS TEARS OR WORDS WONT CHANGE MY MIND.
THOSE TEARS CAN BE FOR A LOT OF REASONS EVEN FEAR AND SHOCK OF WHAT HE LET HAPPEN AND
WHY HE LET IT HAPPEN. HIS WORDS ARE OBVIOUS HE IS A LAWYER AND HAS LAWYERS AND
HE WANTS TO STAY IN CHARGE AND WIN THIS. AND GET IT ALL BUT HE DONT DESERVE IT.
HE WAS KEPT UP ALL THESE YEARS HE HAS BEEN PAID AND HE NEEDS TO BE OFF THAT CASE
OF ANNAS AND I HOPE ANNAS OTHER GUARDIAN I HOPE IS HER MAMA FIRES THEM ALL OFF OF
ANNAS CASE AND GETS SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE OVER. THEY WONT HAVE ANY TROULBE AND ANY
DECENT STATE BAR GETTING HIM OFF HER CASE ANYWAY. WHY HE WANTS TO
MAKE A DEAL AND WHY ANYONE WOULD LET HIM IS BEYOND ME AS WELL. THAT IS CRAZY .
YOU DONT MAKE DEALS WITH THE ENEMY LIKE THAT. HE HAS BEEN PAID ALREADY. HE
NEEDS TO GO ON HOME TO HIS MAMA HIS DEAL IS DONE AND OVER. THAT IS WHAT I THINK.
BUT IT MAY NOT WORK OUT THAT WAY BUT I HOPE IT DOES. HE HAS HAD HIS CLAWS IN THAT FOR WAY
TOO LONG. I HOPE THEY TEAR THAT WILL IN MANY PIECES. IT IS GARBAGE.
AND HOWARD SHOULD BE HOPEING HE DONT GET IN TROUBLE FOR MURDER INSTEAD
OF MAKING DEALS TO STAY IN CONTROL OF HER MONEY.
IT IS NOT HIS MONEY HE NEEDS TO LEAVE IT ALONE AND GO ON. LET IT GO.
LET HER BABY AND HER MONEY AND ESTATE GO AND THAT LAWSUIT.
THAT OLD MANS FAMILY MAY GET THAT ANYWAY NOW.
ANNA AND PIERCE MARSHAL HAVE BOTH DIED . IS MONEY WORTH ALL THAT ?
IF HOWARD MARSHAL MADE NO WILL TO LEAVE IT TO ANNA
SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO TAKE THE FEW MILLION SHE WOULD HAVE GOT
AND LET THE OLD MANS FAMILY HAVE THEIR DADDYS MONEY. WHY BE SO GREEDY ?
IT WAS A WASTE OF A LOT OF LIVES. AND A LOT OF TIME.
SHE DESERVED A BIG CHUNK BUT NOT ALL OF IT. WHO CAN SPEND THAT MANY MILLIONS ?
WHO NEEDS THAT MUCH MONEY ? NOW LAWYERS WANT IT. LET IT GO.
LET THE BABY HAVE A BIG SETTLEMENT AND BE DONE WITH IT.
I MAY NOT FIGURE IT OUT BUT I WANT TO AT LEAST HAVE A CLEAR GUT
FEELING ABOUT IT. HOWARD STERN KNEW IT WAS A BIG GAMBLE EVERYDAY CAUSE
ANY DAY HE COULD BE OUT IN THE COLD. IF HE MADE HER MAD. AND HE KNEW
SHE WOULD HAVE MORE CONTACTS WITH THE REAL BABYS DADDY AND THEN ANOTHER MAN
AND HIS BABY WOULD TAKE HIS PLACE AS EXECUTOR AND
ANOTHER MAN MAY COME IN HER LIFE AND BE HER REAL HUSBAND AND HELP HER
IN HER MIND AND DESISIONS AND THEN HOWARD WOULD BE OUT WITH NOTHING
SO HE WAS IN THE PERFECT TIMING AND HE TOOK IT. NO OTHER TIME WOULD
HE HAVE THAT MUCH CONTROL AND BE ABLE TO TAKE IT ALL.
HE LET HER DIE. IF HE DID NOT KILL HER, IM NOT SURE OF THAT YET. BUT AT THE LEAST
HE DELIBERATLY LET HER DIE.
EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION ABOUT THIS BIG CASE ON TV AND THAT IS MINE. IT IS THERE
FOR THE WORLD TO GET WRAPPED UP IN AND I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO .
SO I MIGHT AS WELL DO MY BEST TO HELP JUSTICE ALONG AND GIVE HER A HELPING HAND.
.
.
. It helps to read stuff like this when you start conditioning your self to fast
These examples and instructions regarding fasting cannot be taken lightly. We are told that the examples of Scripture are as important as are its direct commands--1 Cor. 10:11; Rom. 15:4--and these verses speak specifically of the Old Testament examples. The Lord Jesus Christ is our Pattern (1 Pet. 1:21). Christ's fasting during His temptation in the wilderness is our example, just as His prayers during the temptations in the garden are our examples. Also we are told that the Apostle Paul is to be imitated--Phil. 3:17; 4:9. Paul put before us the example of frequent fasting (2 Cor. 11:27).
Here, fasting is mentioned right alongside such things as patience, pureness, and knowledge. Paul obviously considered fasting to be a very important part of the ministry. Talking about Garth Brooks Its Your Song Music Video
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THE SONG FROM THE LIST Quote YOUR SONG / GARTH BROOKS
yall i think i will fast for one day . as a pre fast. cause i cant get started on my long fastsee i used to do it regularly so it was a way of life. It was not hard to commit
to a 7 day fast. I mean you think about it. You know it is just hard to get started
when you dont fast like you used to or even read your BIBLE like you used to and
you must be in the state of mind but one thing is for sure I feel the Call.
I do . So anytime you feel called to Fast you can count on GOD giving you extra
strength to get through it. But see i dont break a fast once i commit and im
not as strong in my spirit or in my flesh as I once was.
So what i will do is fast a day here and there and two then three then
do a 7 day fast cause that 7 th day is what kills me. I make it to that day 7
and i dont know if just seeing the end in sight makes you weak and you know its
almost over or what but that home stretch is rough. Also i need
green tea . I learned that on my last 7 day fast. cause if i feel like
i will faint or die i will just drink some green tea and it is like
breathing life in a dead person when you have nothing in your system at all
you can really tell it . i cant remebmer if i added sugar but if i did it was
only a tiny bit but that was also what helped but I got up and cleaned up
Andys entire apartment after that cup of green tea and no food and little
water for 7 days. But actually all hell broke loose not long after that
with every blessing i get here come demons from hell to steal it away from me
and that is a fact. so dont think by becoming more spiritual
that it is all a bed of roses cause buddy it aint. it is like putting on
the whole armour of GOD to fight the mighty forces of hell that is what
it is . And i hope this call to fast is for somehting special
and not another plan for a nother battle. but that in itself is enough to scare you off.
fasting here and there doesnt seem to bring on anything
but looking back even though you feel better and you feel strong
after allowing yourself to become so week cause you gain control
of your flesh you overcome the weakness of the flesh.
you know that you can endure once you have made it with no food
for an extended period of time especially when youre like me and
when im depressed or to cheer up i love to have a good meal . or something
special to eat. it releases those endorphans associated with pleasure
centers in your brain and i have never smoked and you know i dont drink or
take any medicine so food is my pleasure.
so when you fight that and do not eat you feel strong and in control
but its like as i look back i dont notice at the time but as i look back
something traumatic comes to my life after I try to be so strong in GOD
and so close and in control. With me it brings on an attack but ive never
looked ahead for it. I just look back and notice it and maybe subconciously
that is why i avoid it . The closer some get to GOD it is like the devil
has his eye on you and you are one person the devil is so afraid of
cause he knows you have a mighty work to do . It does seem that way.
but the special times to fast are when you feel the high call.
then you know GOD is with you and it is for a purpose. He is a gentleman
though HE wont ever force you but he will cause things to happen to guide you.
It is best if you just listen and let HIS gentle hand guide you into
where or what HE needs for you to do than fight it. but
IF GOD is on your side who is against you ? I may have a battle but
I always come out alive. maybe barely . But you dont know how it could be worse
if you took the other road either you know what im saying ? It could always
have been worse . So missing it by the skin of your teeth is better than
falling into the trap of satan and in the pits of hell. I do feel like I got time
though to work myself
up to this cause GOD knows im weak in my spirit and in my flesh after
such a horrible past few years and I was so tired and im still tired.
I thought i would rest but I went down for the count to rest and I cant
seem to get back up to fly.
I wonder maybe GOD has let me take my time but now HE says ok
time is up . you got to get back up but i just cant. I lay here and talk and dream
and hope and wait and wait and wait and i dont even know what im waiting on.
cause i cant imagine how i will get from here to there or here to anywhere.
it feels like i will die
right here on this floor before i ever find a way out of this pits of hell.
I kept my soul alive and free being able to talk and dream and have friends
on tv and radio and the internet . Just anyone that can hear me
makes me feel alive. knowing people are out there
keeps me alive i know im not dead and im not alone.
I keep saying after all that hell i went through over and over and over
and they beat me down to nothing and when i though t i could not bear
any more . here come more. when i thought i was like a boxer in a
boxing ring beat to a pulp and no life in me then they beat me again then again
at my weakest times is when abbeville would attack.
i tried to be strong. i always held my head up and i fought and fought
and i did not ever let them take me down without a fight
but when that war was over then her it come again and again
but when it was finally over . i rested and rested and ive been so so tired
of fighting satan that i said im tired. im just tired.
im weak and tired. and i am tired still but i feel
a breeze blowing. and it wont be a major change it will come softly
so you wont even notice it until it has passed but it is the call of
that MIGHTY RUSHING WIND>
I recognize it. but until im safe on the other side I wont hear it blow on by.
but i do feel that BREEZE.
now ive done it. i just admited I hear GOD calling so no turning back now.
no way i cant fast now.
ok here i go but im eating this last box of
Zaxbys chicken . Greg brought me a plate in here with a variety so i
going to enjoy the last bite and tell him please dont offer me anything tomorrow.
dont temp me.
remember when JESUS fasted 40 days and nights in the wilderness
and he was tempted ? but he did not give in.
some fast 40 days so what am I worried about? its just that Im not strong
as i used to be but like i said , It is just time to start working my way up to it.
I dont know how long it will take me but you cant get no where until you
take that first step.
ALL IM DOING IS GETTING BACK INTO THE FAST ING MODE.
BACK TO THAT WAY OF LIFE . IT WILL TAKE TIME. THIS IS NO
QUICK JOB. ITS A PROCESS. BUT IT IS A PROCESS TO A BETTER
WAY OF LIFE. CONTROL OVER THE FLESH AND STRENTHENING MY SPIRIT.
THAT IS WHAT IM GOING TO DO . I NEED SOME YOGURT AND
COTTAGE CHEESES TOO LIKE I USED TO EAT SO BETWEEN FASTS I NEED
THE RIGHT FOODS . THAT HELPS YOU FAST. YOU GOT TO GET ALL THAT
JUNK AND SALT AND SUGAR AND STUFF OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM THAT
CAUSES YOU TO WANT TO EAT THOSE KIND OF FOODS. BUT ONCE YOURE
SYSTEM IS MORE PURE OVER A MONTH OR TWO OF EATING BETTER
IT IS MUCH EASIER TO FAST MUCH EASIER. SOME FOODS MAKE YOU
CRAVE THOSE FOODS THAT ARE NOT HEALTHY . YOU GOT TO GET RID OF IT
SO IM JUST STARTING THAT PROCESS. IT MAY TAKE ME A MONTH
TO FAST THAT 7 DAYS. OK SO DONT SAY I FAILED . DONT SAY
OH SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO AND I JUST REMEMBERED SOME
SAY YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL WHEN YOU FAST BUT I DONT BELIEVE IN
THAT . WHAT GOD MEANS IS YOU DONT JUST FAST FOR SHOW.
AND ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME KNOWS I TALK FROM MY HEART
AND I AM SAYING WHAT IM THINKING AND WHO KNOWS IT MAY
HELP OTHERS TO UNDERSTAND THINGS LIKE THIS SO I KNOW IT
IS OK TO TELL IT. IT IS NO SECRET. BUT WHAT GOD MEANS IS YOU DONT
JUST TELL PEOPLE OH LOOK IM SPECIAL IM FASTING. NO YOU DONT DO THAT
AND THAT IS NOT WHAT IM DOING. IM JUST TALKING AND USING MY
ONLINE JOURNAL TO TALK. AND MAYBE I STILL NEED MY CRUTCHES
AND MABYE I NEED HELP TO GET STARTED FASTING
BUT WHAT ARE FREINDS FOR ? MY WORLD IS MY FRIENDS.
IT IS OK TO USE CRUTCHES IF YOU NEED THEM. AND WHEN YOU ARE
WELL AND CAN WALK ALONE YOU CAN LAY THOSE CRUTCHES DOWN BUT IF GETTING
MORAL SUPPORT BY ADMITING IT IS HARD FOR ME TO FAST GETS ME STARTED BACK
ON THE ROAD TO WHO I USED TO BE. WELL IM QUITE SURE GOD DONT CARE. AND LET ME REMEMBER
WHAT JOEL OSTEEN SAID , SUNDAY ON THAT LAKEWOOD CHURCH THAT
MY FUTURE IS NOT DETERMINED BY MY CRITICS. I DONT HAVE TO PLEASE EVERYONE
AND I DONT HAVE TO CARE THAT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE THAT DONT LIKE YOU
OR SAY YOU ARE WRONG FOR EVERYTHNG YOU DO.
I DO WHAT GOD TELLS ME TO DO AND I WILL NOT WORRY WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT ME.
. STAND / RASCAL FLATTS
YOUR SONG / GARTH BROOKS
BROKEN WINGS / MARTINA MCBRIDE
BUILD IT ANYWAY / MARTINA MCBRIDE
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.
. OK I GUESS ILL TAKE A NAP THERES NOTHING TO DO . NOT MUCH ON THE NEWS EXCITING ,
NOTHING ON TV. NO ONE TO ARUGE WITH ,
NOW THE ANNA CASE WONT BE ON TO LIKE MARCH.
I JUST HOPE I GET TO SEE THOSE COURT TRIALS
AND GET TO SEE WHAT BAHAMIAN LAWYERS AND JUDGES
ACT LIKE AND WHAT KIND OF SHERIFFS THEY HAVE OR DO THEY
HAVE SHERIFFS ? OH HOLY DAY ! IF THEY DO NOT HAVE
SHERIFFS IM MOVING TO THE BAHAMAS.
I NEED TO GET THE HOUSE CLEANING JOBS DOWN THERE .
IF I LOVE THIER LAWS AND COURT SYSTEM AND SOON AS
THEY EXTERMINATE AND FLUSH OUT THAT HOWARD K STERN
IM GOING TO MOVE THERE WHEN IT IS SAFE.
CODETALKERS and wildangels secret radio games / a true story told in a musical "soap opera"/ SPECIAL EDIT / STORY OF HEALING HANDS / I DIDNT GO BACK TO SLEEP I BEEN CLEANING UPThe "KID"s room. He is well already. Happens everytime.
He was so so so sick yesterday but just a little tender love and care
to nurse him back to health is all he needed. I was awake all night
with cold wet rags and i kept a check on him he slept good and turned
a few times and about 4 am he was snoring and had the blanket off
and i knew he would be fine. I went in and he had the door open airing the
room out picking up his sick bed stuff. his ice bucket and stuff and put his
green teas up. I said do you want some more soup he said no
i need some meat and solid food im going to subway so he is gone
now to get us a sandwich.
Im not fasting yet but im still going to.
Now let me tell you this when they were little and sick which was
rare they didnt ever get sick much but i would get them well in one day
and you know the story of when One was home and i had been fasting
and something come on donahue with a possessed person and i said
no dont look at that . it was a demon woman and i threw my hands up
and the tv went off as it usually does when im fasting and praying.
that tv will go off in a heart beat when im not trying to . i was just waving my
hands with power . i read the BIBLE all the time back then and he remembers that.
now it is funny to remember this. my sisters boy brandon has migraines
a lot well he was sick with either that or maybe something else i cant remember
he was little then but the boys wanted me to go get him well so
you can call it the power of suggestion or what ever you want to
but he had been so sick and couldnt get up ot of the bed and he wanted
me to pray for him to so i laid my hands on him and in a few minutes
he got up and started running around and ran outside and we was all
laughing. i dont know if he just had that much energy or was just trying
to be funny or what but it was hilarious.
that was years ago i dont have that kind of faith anymore. maybe i do
but i just dont use it. I do believe that way but things were so innocent
back then. I had not had to be filled with the hate and hurt and
feelings of worthlessness that i have had to suffer through and I lost
a lot of innocence in my heart over the past several years.
If i was back to my normal life again in my home i may be able
to find that innocent faith again.
i am not sure. i know what i know but it is a special thing you lose
when you are hurt and mad and you learn to hate.
OLD DOGS AND CHILDREN AND WATERMELON WINE/ TOM T HALL
END OF THE INNOCENCE / DON HENLY
THANK GOD FOR KIDS / OAKRIDGE BOYS
ENEMY CAMP / THE GOSPEL SONG
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